So basically, as I was skiing down the slopes today in Colorado I realized I had no f’ing idea of what I was doing. In all my false modesty, I’m a pretty good skier and I’ve been doing it for so long that I sort of do it mechanically. But today, I decided to take a lesson because my only goal for the end of this year is to become an expert, I’m almost there (there it goes again, my modesty flying out the window).
But as the instructor kept giving me feedback on some of the bad habits I’ve built over the years I realized that it was the perfect metaphor for my life, except for the part that I’m almost there. I concluded that basically most of the people I know, including myself, have no directions whatsoever in this thing called life and that everyone is winging it as they go along. As for my own experience, specially, in the last couple of months, I’ve decided that I have NO FREAKIN’ CLUE of what I’m doing. Yes, it sounds a bit unprofessional and I hope that everyone who is reading this don’t misjudge my “lostness” it’s just that I miss some of my old good or bad habits my routine. For the past eight years, I woke up every morning and headed to work, at first it was great, I had three bosses that gave me the exact directions that I needed, they taught me how to ride the editorial bike, from using the copying machine correctly to styling a shoot, and I learnt, trust me on this one (ok, from now on you can assume that this column is starting to have some narcissistic tendencies).
Later, as I became the fashion editor in Glamour I felt that I had things under control, I knew how to do the job, I knew exactly what I was doing which it doesn’t necessarily mean that I didn’t made mistakes, but I knew the drill. I woke up, headed to the editorial and as I sat on my desk I knew what where the tasks of the day, I felt very comfortable, so when the opportunity of becoming Editor in Chief for Marie Claire arrived I knew that I had it. Obviously, I was scared at first but then again, I had great people to show me the way, who gave me the feedback that I needed and who congratulated when it was opportune.
But then I decided to go on my own, to quit my job and dedicate my life to my own projects, my own business. Yeah, so the blog thing came first, which might sound outrageous since I’m no tech connoisseur, not even a bit. But one day as I woke up, I knew that I was starting my blog that same day, so I Googled “how to do a blog for dummies” and it was a very helpful guide, except for the part that you had me calling at 3:00 am in the morning to all the help lines from Word Press to Google Analytics. If you by any chance are one of the lovely people that guided me through building my own Facebook Fan Page, thank you, you where amazing.
Then I decided that it was not good enough, I needed to do something else so naturally I decided to write my first fiction novel. Once again, I had to download a book on “How to write your first fiction novel”. But still, sometimes I have some free time so I just sit there, wondering how I’m going to make it through. (I will throw in some impostor’s syndrome to this I-don’t-know-what-I’m-doing-algorithm.) But today, when I was finishing my lesson, my instructor told me, “please, don’t be too hard on yourself, your trying your best”, and it hit me like a bucket of ice (not only because of the chilly weather down here), it was totally true.
So as far as my conclusion goes, sometimes we have no idea of what we are doing, and we could scream from the top of our lungs “I need some directions here” to whomever it’s out there. But we are doing all right trust me, as I talk to other people, I realize that even some of the masters in the world sometimes could use some advice here and there as well, and if you are doing the best you can and keep motivated, there is no point in stressing, we’ll get there eventually. So, keep the ball rolling and see you next week!